Home

Advertisement

Customize
About this Journal
Current Month
 123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
25262728293031
Oct. 28th, 2009 @ 03:23 am (no subject)
is it the worst that my heart is breaking because my brother is getting married?

i want to be 10 again.
About this Entry
3 comments
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Oct. 16th, 2009 @ 01:27 am what a great day!!!
man. i feel like everyone knew it was my birthday today. i love that feeling!
i woke up to the floor being covered in balloons... i might get annoyed by my roommate, but that was an amazing gesture.
its rubys birthday too... so i made some stuff out of felt and we went for a 5 mile walk downtown. fed her some rice and cheese and egg and some bagel that she wasnt into.
i got a new bar tool from lizz as well as a brooch for my winter hat. i love it!!!
i also got 10 birthday cards from scotts mom all with a 10 dollar bill in it. one with a 100 dollar gift card to target. too nice!!!
i got a 50 dollar gift card to harris teeter from my mom. and some clothes from american apparel.
i got 50 bucks from my brother (awesome!!!)
i got a sewing machine from scott!!!!!
my dad called and remembered my birthday for the first year EVER. he said he remembered because facebook reminded him. whatever, it was a nice thing for him to do.
i got some cool patches from friends and got to watch a puppet show..
went out to eat indian food (yummy!) and now i have curry farts and indian tasting burps. ugh... but worth it.
and i rode my moped home!!!

tomorrow a group of friends are getting together... wait... i already mentioned this... burritos and where the wild things are... so excited.

best birthday alive.
and ruby had a good one, too.
About this Entry
1 comment
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Aug. 13th, 2009 @ 08:11 pm um please
i need jessica lea mayfield to be my girlfriend right now.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_WW1TmzuUw&feature=related
About this Entry
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Aug. 12th, 2009 @ 12:58 pm the house
im moving into is so super cute
http://www.trulia.com/property/1076413353-814-Morningside-Dr-Wilmington-NC-28401
About this Entry
2 comments
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Aug. 8th, 2009 @ 04:46 pm but i want to be in a relationship with you
i am incredibly tired. i don't know if i've ever been this exhausted in my life. i've slept for 9 hours in the past 72. but something is stopping me from sleeping!
About this Entry
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Aug. 8th, 2009 @ 03:02 am (no subject)
sometimes i feel like im not doing enough with myself. i'd really like to change that.
i need more things to occupy my time.
About this Entry
1 comment
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Aug. 6th, 2009 @ 11:04 am i know
Current Mood: impressed
i hate poetry, but MAN is this a good poem

This is for the fat girls
this is for the little brothers
this is for the school yard wimps
this is for the childhood bullies that tormented them
this is for the former prom queen
this is for the milk crate ball players
this is for the night time cereal eaters
and for the retired elderly wal-mart store front door greeters
shake the dust.

this is for the benches and the people sitting upon them.
for the bus drivers driving a million broken hymns
for the men who have to hold down three jobs
simply to hold up their children
for the night time schoolers
and for the midnight bike riders
who are trying to fly
shake the dust

this is for the two year olds who can not be understood
because they speak half english and half god.
shake the dust.

for the girls with the brothers who are going crazy
for those gym class wall flowers
and the twelve year olds whose afraid of taking public showers
for the kid whose always late to class
because he forgets the combination to his lockers

for the girl who loves somebody else
shake the dust.

this is for the hard men,
the hard men who want love but know that it wont come

for the ones who are forgotten
the ones that the amendments does not stand up for

for the ones who are told to only speak when they are spoken to
and then are never spoken to.

speak every time you stand so you do not forget yourself
do not let a moment go by that doesnt remind you
that your heart beats 900 times a day

that there are enough gallons of blood to make you an ocean
do not settle for letting these waves settle
and letting the dust collect in your veins

this is for the celibate pedophile that keeps struggling
for the poetry teachers
and for the people who go on vacations alone.

for the sweat that drips of a mcjaggers singing lips
and for the shaking skirt on tina turners shaking hips
for the heavens and for the hells to which tina has lived
this is for the tired and for the dreamers

for those families who will never be like the cleavers
with perfectly made dinners
this if or the biggets, the sexists, and for the killers
and for the big house pin sentenced cats becoming redeamers

remember the spring time always seems to show up right after the winter
this is for every one of you,
make sure that by the time the fisherman returns you're gone
because just like the days, I burn at both ends
every time I write
every time I open my eyes I'm cutting out parts of myself to give to you,
so shake the dust and take me with you when you do
none of this has ever been for me
all the pushes and pulls pushes for you,
so grab this wool by it's clothes pins,
shake it out again and again
jump on top and take it for a spin,
ad when you hop off,
shake it again for this is yours

make my words worth it,
make this not just another poem that I write,
not just another poem like just another night that sits heavy above us all,
walk into it
breath it in
let it crash through the halls of your arms like the millions of years
of millions of poets,
coursing like blood,
pumping and pushing
making you live, shaking the dust so when the world knocks at your front door
clench the knob tightly and open on up
running forward into it
widespread greeting arms with your hands before you
fingertips trembling,
though they may be.

About this Entry
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Nov. 11th, 2008 @ 09:24 am hold on
 who is shana mcallister?
should i remember her?
i friended her on facebook, and yo i don't remember a face like that.
straight up. 
About this Entry
3 comments
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Nov. 6th, 2008 @ 03:54 pm (no subject)
I have been strangely addicted to livejournal lately. I can't keep myself from wanting to know what's going on with everyone! Plus, I feel like this is my way of venting. I like journaling. I like getting feedback from people that I scarcely speak with other than via facebook and myspace.

I wish we all lived closer, or that we could all go to an event together... like Bonnaroo or something like Bonnaroo.
About this Entry
6 comments
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Nov. 4th, 2008 @ 03:51 pm (no subject)
 oh yeah, and remember how i said that i opened up an account with Orkin because the roach problem in my apartment is terrible? Well i gave the devil.. i mean my landlord copies of all the receipts and took it out of the rent as planned. WEll, they didn't come this month. So, I called them on Monday to find out why and little did I know that someone cancelled the account for me.

 

THAT RAGING DYKE BITCH CANCELLED MY OWN FUCKING ACCOUNT FOR ME. Luckily I had only payed for the first service, and it wasn't really paid for by me. But she told Orkin that she had already had a pest control service, and I HATE HER! If she has god damned pest control then get them bitches up in here like NOW. If she had ANY idea of how bad the situation was, she would have helped us  out months ago. 

So, needless to say I am going to go and take a pencil and put it through her lesbian filled eye ball. I don't have anything against being a lesbian, but I have something against my landlord. So I'm just gonna use anything I can to stab at her soft spots. Ignorant? Yes. Helpful? Mmmm not really. 

No but seriously. What would you guys do? We move out in January, and I'm not gonna pay my last months rent. FUCK IT that's why there is a security deposit. On top of that, I'm not gonna make any effort to clean the house AT ALL. In fact, I might just leave some rotting decayed food behind the fridge and the washer and dryer. It has been nothing but pure hell since we moved into this damn place. And we don't even have a lease since moving upstairs. 

It makes my blood boil. Like, seriously.

But in good news, I am selling a lot of my things and putting the rest in storage so I can spend an amazing two months in New Zealand. It will be so awesome and when we get back Gray, Brother, Ruby, Scott and I are going to find a sweet ass 3 bedroom 2 bathroom house with a big backyard and no roaches. Then it will be good. 

About this Entry
1 comment
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Oct. 8th, 2008 @ 08:40 pm fall break 2008
i had a great time riding my bike this weekend. we stopped on the first day at all the tourist attractions in kitty hawk and kill devil hills. i never thought i'd catch myself looking at the outer banks through a tourists' eyes. but i did! and i enjoyed it! i was removed from the drama that is OBX, and high school and middle school. i had a great time growing up there, but i don't know if i could ever move back. it's all the same, but everything is different.
it's weird.
i never realized that every single store front either sells fudge, salt water taffy, coffee or icecream. i really enjoyed myself, and to be honest i really enjoyed being able to bike away from that part of the outer banks and see the rest of it. salvo, waves, hatteras, ocracoke. i love ocracoke! i only went when i was a kid, but i love it! its beautiful, and there is no cell phone service out there. theres a seclusion there that you can't get on the rest of the beach. it was nice.

anyway, now im home and it hasn't been but 24 hours and i'm already ready to leave. i'm feeling very sad just sitting at the computer, not knowing what to do next. i loved camping! i loved living off of what was in my bags, and if i didn't have it, then i would make do. i love not having to decide what i'm going to wear the next day, because i'm gonna be wearing the same thing i was wearing the day before. it's a beautiful thing, no bills, no fashion, no trends. all you have to worry about is the condition of your muscles, and having a safe place to sleep that night. i need some "me" time. i feel really bad about finding an amazing dog, because i don't know if its possible for me to keep her with my state of mind being so flakey.


oh and i saw charley fagley at the end of the last day. i had ridden my bike 92 miles and we stopped at the 7-11 in kitty hawk to get a donut and chocolate milk. she is preggers, and i barely recgonized her. she looked good...whatever. i totally shouted "hey thats charley fagley, she was a complete bitch to me in middle school" and it was awesome because i felt like i got her back in a way. is that retarded? whatever.
About this Entry
4 comments
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Sep. 17th, 2008 @ 09:20 pm blakes got a new face
vampire weekend is the shiz-noz! it's just the happiest music in the whole wide world, and i'm excited because i just heard of them. working at the soapbox really makes me not enjoy new music... it's sad. i really need to get out of that job.

i've been regretting the eff out of my tattoos lately. i'm not really sure why i felt like i had to get a sleeve and my legs covered. my pretty legs, covered in tattoos. i HATE it when people say "sweet tats". no one ever just calls them "tattoos". *le sigh*

Not much else going on. doing average in all my entry-level courses. spending way too much money on schooling that i'm not interested in. but! there was a flyer about volunteering abroad doing awesome things that i already forgot about. but i can go almost anywhere! i also really want to do a semester abroad, i'm going to the meeting about it on friday. why not? seriously.

that's it for now. biiieeeeee
About this Entry
3 comments
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Sep. 7th, 2008 @ 10:42 am in your arms i am a wild creature
Current Mood: geeky
if everything goes as planned i'm going to be out of school next semester

i got an oppurtunity to ride my bike around new zealand for a month in february....so i'm just gonna go ahead and do it.
plus, i don't know why the hell i'm going to school... and i hate UNCW campus.
and i would like to be able to go back to school with a more solid idea of why i'm wasting $14,000 a year.


i am grateful for:
1. waking up this morning
2. having the day off
3. talking heads
4. my bicycle
5. my doggy!!!!
6. keeping up with old friends. dude speaking of which, candace cozart is in one of my classes this semester. sheeee hasn't said anything to me, but i guess i haven't said anything to her either.

ginger carter is always around campus too. yeah, she hasn't said anyhing too me either, but i don't really have much to say to her. sometimes i'll overhear her conversations on the phone with other people and she'll be talking about random dudes waking up on her couch, and what she did with her girlfriends the night before. we don't have anything in common anymore.

7. groceries in my fridge
8. moving to a bigger apartment!
9. enjoying the shuffle option on my ipod. that doesnt happen often
10. my momma
About this Entry
1 comment
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Aug. 27th, 2008 @ 11:05 am is the juice worth the squeeze?
its funny how things can be going really well one day.
and a week later, everything you thought was picture perfect has all gone to shit.


scott left his myspace open.
and was messaging back and forth asking a girl what she was wearing. mind you, this has happened before through text message. a different girl, yes.
same question asked, yes.
did anything become of it, no.
does it still make my heart ache? fuck. yes.

i cant think straight. i want to get the fuck out of UNCW and just go, and live. have no schedule, no time, no money, nothing but me and maybe my dog and bike. i want to be alone and self sufficient. fuck needing a guy around. feeble minded, and weak women need men around.
About this Entry
2 comments
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Mar. 24th, 2008 @ 10:02 am (no subject)
whats happening with me:
i have graduated from cape fear community college.
i am taking a semester off to build a nest of money and apply for schools.
i applied to app state and uncw.
my first choice is app.
i got in.
i havent heard anything from uncw.
i am still totally in love with scott, but he will not leave wilmington, especially not for boone.
i am leaning towards app, but i am scared that i will be really depressed and not make any friends. even the craigslist for boone is scarce. there are no activies going on, no clubs, not really very many bikes for sale. i even checked out the "strictly platonic" for women to women to see if any girls are looking for friends in boone.
i will hate myself if i don't move there.
i will hate myself if i get stuck to the proverbial fly paper that is wilmington.
i will hate myself if i let such a beautiful relationship fly out the window. because i think that's what will happen if i move.
but i still really want to move.
im not sure what to do... i plan on staying through the summer in wilmington, and if i get an acceptance letter from UNCW i might rethink my entire educational career.
VAL! you go to app, don't you? doesn't kimmy jolly, too? whats there to do in boone? is it hard to make friends?
If i move though...I'm gonna get a dog. no doubt about that.
About this Entry
2 comments
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Aug. 30th, 2007 @ 10:13 am (no subject)
Current Mood: nauseated
Current Music: birds chirp
I remember the first time I ever said a cuss word was after lunch in the playground in 2nd grade. I said shit.
I get anxious when I have to wait for people to get ready. But I always seem to make people wait on me. I don't like the way my room looks when it's clean. I'd rather be playing tennis. I let Shannon Graff borrow my brothers Jynko Jeans and I got in trouble for it. I also let Ramsey Graff borrow my retainer. I used to sneak food from other peoples fridges into my mouth when no one was looking. I love arts and crafts. I want to make a stuffed zombie doll. The first CD I ever owned was Boyz II Men. I didn't know how to stop the CD player, so I just unplugged it. I am really good at doing backflips into a pool. I love the way the water sounds when you slap it with your hand and bring it through the water. Its a deep WHOMP noise. I don't understand why people go out to eat and order an omelet...or spagghetti. I want something to eat that I don't already have at the house. I love being awake in the morning before anyone else is. When I was little, I could never spend a whole night at a friends house. Whenever everyone was asleep, I would call my mom to come get me, and no one would have known I'd left. The Twister company should make a twister board thats for adults. When I get older I want to have a tree with different colored bottles and ties hanging from it. In the 6th grade I got so mad at my english teacher, that I threw my book at her feet. Wes Anderson is a genius. So is Spyke Jonez. I would do almost anything for a Klondike bar. I steal pens without knowing it. The first concert I ever went to was the Dixie Chicks. I don't like the Dixie Chicks anymore, but I will still sing along to their old songs if the timing is right. I love picnics, I wish I'd go on more of them. My favorite part of a cigarette is a half-burned cigarette. If I could go the rest of my life without wearing shoes, I probably would. I think tube socks are the coolest socks. This girl used to ride around the neighborhood on her bicycle with no shirt on. I remember during the summer of 4th grade, Whitney Bradshaw ate shit because she tried standing on her handle bars. I think I might have laughed when she fell. I laughed a lot when my friends hurt themselves. I don't like the way my voice sounds on recordings. The Public Transit system is really cool, and I think people should use it more often. I want a banana seat for my bicycle. My brother was the best tent builder. I fear that one day I will have the hips of my mother. I can't wait to swim in the Dead Sea. My first boyfriend and I got caught watching Taxi Cab Confessions at 3am by his dad. I had to go home after that.
About this Entry
1 comment
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Aug. 7th, 2007 @ 11:56 am TO MY ROOMMATES
Current Mood: enraged
IT REALLY REALLY REALLY GETS UNDER MY SKIN WHEN I HAVE TO LIVE IN MY ROOMMATES MESS.
HEY GRAY
WASH YOUR FUCKING DISHES BEFORE YOU PUT THEM IN THE DISHWASHER. THERE IS NOTHING MORE FRUSTRATING THAN GETTING A "CLEAN" PLATE WITH SOAPSCUM AND DRIED/BURNT CHEESE STUCK TO IT.
AND IF YOU FUCKING GRILL OUT AGAIN, YOU PIECE OF SHIT, THEN DO THE DISHES. DON'T FUCKING LOOK AT ME WHEN THE SINK IS FULL OF YOUR POTS AND PANS... I DIDNT EAT YOUR GOD DAMN KABOBS, THEREFORE I DON'T CLEAN THE DISHES YOU MADE THE KABOBS WITH.
DICK.
OH, AND HEY. YOUR DOG HAS FLEAS. GET OUT OF DENIAL, AND BUY HIM SOME FUCKING SENTINAL.
AND YOUR WELCOME FOR TAKING HIM ON WALKS WHILE YOU LAY ON YOUR ASS AND WATCH NASCAR AND DRINK PBR.
FUCKING DICK.

OH AND JOE!
I KNOW YOUR A DRUNK FUCK, BUT IF YOU COULD PLEASE NOT LEAVE YOUR HALF MICROWAVED NOODLES IN THE MICROWAVE FOR ME TO FIND THREE DAYS LATER, THAT'D BE GREAT. AND IF YOU WANT TO WASH THE GOD DAMNED DISHES, DONT JUST PUT THEM IN SOAPY WATER AND LET IT SIT THERE FOR A FEW DAYS. DISHES DON'T FUCKING CLEAN THEMSELVES.

AND TO BOTH OF YOU-
I DON'T DRINK BEER. I DON'TW ANT TO SMELL STALE BEER WHEN I'M ON THE FRONT PORCH. PICK UP YOUR GOD DAMNED CANS, IT MAKES US LOOK TRASHY. AND HOT BEER IN AUGUST SUN REALLY ATTRACTS FLIES.
ITS LIKE FUCKING AFRICA OUTSIDE, ASSHOLES.

I'M NOT EXACTLY SURE IF YOU ENJOY LIVING IN YOUR OWN MUCK, BUT I CAN SAFELY SAY THAT I CAN'T STAND LIVING IN IT.
I FUCKING HATE BOTH OF YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW.
About this Entry
1 comment
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Jul. 16th, 2007 @ 02:13 pm langhorne slim
Current Mood: relaxed
tell me someday if we talk, are you afraid of being haunted?
and by the docks we'll take a walk and discuss things we havent ever wanted.
and with the money that you made have your behaviors changed?
and when someone gets fancy and you get ansy
will you still run to me?

so long my only love
in which direction have you gone?
and by the time the suns gone down tonight
you know that you're the only one

i run into some people and they ask me how you are
i tell them that youre doing well
and hope that they step in front of a car
and tell me someday if we talk what i said or did that made you leave
i know it sometime i'd done something but somehow i've got no memory
so long my only love
in which direction have you gone?
and by the time the suns gone down tonight
you'll now that you're the only one.


About this Entry
1 comment
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
May. 13th, 2007 @ 08:20 pm (no subject)
Current Location: leather chair
Current Mood: bored
Current Music: avett brothers - emotionalism
listening to the avett brothers makes me shake.
their new album comes out on tuesday, and im listening to it right now!
yessssss
its awesome.

ive been watching what not to wear all day long. its giving me a headache.

dave came over on thursday night and said that "he doesnt think it's going to work"
he gave me the "it's not you, it's me" speech
it's gotten me down...my stomach aches, i can't eat.
i knew this would happen, but i didn't expect it to happen so soon.
i set myself up for this one, definitely.

i dont want to think about it.
IM GETTING AN INDO BOARD!
i need to sell my car
i just cant get rid of it!
acupuncture aches.
my neck and back still hurt
im thinking about getting a new bed

i buy lots of stupid things
About this Entry
2 comments
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Feb. 20th, 2007 @ 05:18 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: blank
was it totally irrational of me to tell everyone to delete me other than jenna and val?
i mean like, sorry alice but i dont feel like being judged everytime i mention something you don't approve of.
so whatever

it's like...no big thing
who is she, anyway?
exactly.

work is lame.
About this Entry
3 comments
Leave a comment
Permanent Link